I have to say~~~~

GUYS I am changing my xanga into another new one because the old one is already crushed and even can't use the look and feel so i am sorry I have to change one even though I don't want it.

comment me on www.xanga.com/Rohi_Rider

and...sub me,please. i mean the one who sub ET21girl before!

bye!

-Esther

Strength only come from Lord,which let me learned so many........

I have been actuated to post something. Which I am glad that now I have time on xanga again.

Oh I am so glad for those prayers,and hugs for me. Thanks so much for those encourage from all of you guys. You mostly everyone cheer me up!

I am thankful for know how to play piano,which has help me so much in my normal. When I have the rest time,I will always go and plays piano,it helps me a lot. Seem there's no anything exciting surprise happan after Joshua Youth is over. I play the song which Wendy gaves me on Saturday,the song that Miss Karen sangs in Joshua Youth camp. And other songs too,but the point is to praise the Lord. I love playing christian songs,which can always touched my deeply soul,and which I can renew my heart upon to the Lord. I was so glad that my parent give me the best gift of life,music. Can you think of other things which can be so amazing more than Music? to me,without a doubt,I can't think of anything else. When I doing anything,I always want to open my CD player to listen the song.Which is so easy to feel rest.

I guess I learned a lot from the experient about the case of friends leaving,I wish all of them can come back. But which is pretty impossible now to think about,and it's pretty setback for me. But I know something else,Mom has told me that Christian has a symbols,Joyful. The joy of the heart,(seems I am sure when Mom talk about it,that mean she has visit my site,honestly I never told or infront of my mom that when I am crying,for don't want her to worry,and actually,I shouldn't. Seem my mom don't like if when I am actually can't back to reality soon as I can. Which still remember those,and she scared if I won't have any attention on my works.). I know that's true,for knowing that God love us,and know He contral and plan everything. Which I should be obey and listen to him,and sure cause he love us,and no worries will be in my life. And I guess I am sorry I sad those day ago,I still sad about it,and cried a lot. But I know God planned the best to all of us,which mean I guess I should be loosen up and give Lord everything I worried. I will relize that more,seems it needs time. And I am glad my heart is pretty joyful now,for all those teaches from my mom,and words from Lord.

Last saturday,I was talking with Wendy. But after those,when I get home,I thinks a lot. What is grow up exactly mean? Is that happy things and happy turn in your life? How much I hope I can be still stay young,I don't need to worry anything which happan on earth,I don't need to found out so many terrible things happan in this dark generation,I just need to lives up my pure life. And no grow up thinking,just.........being a pure child with the pure soul to know God make world beautiful. But I've been relize life isn't any beautiful,if there's no Lord here to continue his work on all of us,and the genaration. It let me emerging about Peter Pen this story,sometimes I just wish if I can be like Peter in the story,which mean fly to dreamland and never come back. Always being child and nothing else. But I am sure that's just a story. I can stay my pure soul however how old I am. Lives up Lord's words,and never stop to learn things each day,and speak words to Lord everyday. It can make my life still beautiful,and to say honestly,until the day,that God has find the most clearly scripture in my heart which I should works for God. Until that day,I can put all my worries upon to Lord,for I am sure he planned best to all of us. And encouraged teaches by Lord,and let my old self died. Which there's only  Lord live in my soul. It's not always easy to soon to lives up to that,but I am sure try everyday,which times has always teached me things to learned everyday right?

Oh I need wisdom too,which helps me have the strength of the day,and learn things clearly of my study works. For my dream,and my determination. How much I wish,I wish to let my dream come true. Use my favorite profession things,to works for God. My destiny is not that clear seems God haven't speak clearly words for me to know how to lives up for him,but at least,the most near destiny I should be come true is the placement test for high school choice with levels. I wish God will do something,to let me have the faith and trust on him,as strang as it can be. And my parent's help and teaches,which I can learn and listen more easily on. And all I need is Lord,seems I have to honestly saying study is pretty hard. Which maybe God want me to more trust in him!

Okay,I guess that's probarly all for now,I should back to study again. ((sigh)),sometimes I just wish I can climb on wall,and forget all those homework for just a little while? Okay,I heard a sounds from my soul,"Esther,that's not right!" lol. See you guys later ok? have a awesome day. Oh about thanksgiving things..I will EDIT writing them after I get time. Pray for my big test on school,it's almost coming!. Love you all!

-Esther 

How,to catch my breath. Again and Again to try.

Where's the joyful? Where's all my happy memory went to? Cry is the only things,that I can do now. To describe my emotion,and of course, for how much I miss them. Can't you not going? can you..........just don't leave me?

I feel the heart broken things,there's so many joyful,beautiful things happan this time in Joshua Youth,the lesson is awesome. I will talk more later,but,I can't write anything happy now,seen I am not happy. I am SO speechless, why why why,people keep leaving me? 7 peoples in Joshua youth,which went to America and Hongkong,4 people who back to school so not coming again too,and now,as I say,two more people can't come cause they can't afford the money to pay for Joshua Youth. Walk with my steps,which is very...deeply. Into my house,open it,seen Mom is not home. Take all my stuff back to my room, and then, cried. By surprisly,how much I know now ...how importent you guys are? I learned.

I will try....to catch my breath again.To try to catch my joyful heart,and....me.

Robin,Ryan. Don't go.I will pray,to wish all of you can come...seen you are not sure now ....right?

Sabrina,Joshua,Caleb,Jonathan,Benjamin,Kelvin,Wesley,Dolly,Johnson,....come back.

~**EDIT**~

Well here I am. Seens I haven't really reply any of the comments on those two post,and I am pretty busy to try to finish those replying comment things. Well,sorry about it. Oh right!

I wonder,if the last post it's the most random and short one in all my site's update? Hmm,that can make sence. though. I am totally suprise I can write that short update in my life,seens I always wrote long. Well,as everyone sure about it.

Joshua Youth camp is over,I've learned so much in there. Seens I can't forget all the things I learned and what I did now even though it's already past for 4 days.This time is pretty special because the Joshua Youth 2 is with us,which is mean that Joshua Youth 1 and Joshua Youth 2 has been together from now on in the camp. Everyone don't know each other though,So we have to tried to know them better because we are the biggest in the camp. Things went well,We know each other pretty fast. And I am sure the boys are especially fast,to learned that how to tease me. Cause the bigger brothers told them. Oh well,I am SO helpless then lol.

All the class God has spoke so many words to me. I've learned so many by every kind of class. Miss Karen Chen has teach us how to listen our parent easily. And that's proberly what I changed most after I back from the camp. Listen my parent easily,seens I am outspoken. So it can be pretty hard to me. But I am glad by Karen's teaching and her life example for how to give up and how to listen she's parent. I know God will bless us if we listen our parent. Well now here,my mom has asked me a question: "How comes you have been so easy to listen your parent now?" To say the truth,I learned it from Joshua Youth. Pastor Chen has also teached us the things by reading the book together.The book which I mentioned before in other post,"The Mounts-Wilborforth"..um.not the corrext title. But I actually forget it. Seens the book is in chinese. In the progress Pastor Chen has asked us so many question,I found out how dark this generation is. And I feel we need to know many things,to face those problem in the world which is happaning now here. Pastor Chen has teached me so much about all those things. Miss Hai-in teacher also teach us how to contral and to tell everyone our mood and or emotions. Well,it helps alot too.As I am so sure about. And there's other many different kind of class and lesson. Which is all so very helpful in our day normal life.

I am thankful for join this time's Joshua Youth camp.Even though it's totally different,as what you saw in the last post. I am not really happy,*smile*. Well as you know,mostly people in Joshua Youth 1 has been gone into other country or back to school. The reason why it's because as you know,Taiwan's education its totally different as America. We need to testing many things of our placement,and if we want a good future,we have to done well on the placement test. Which is not always many people can do if that you have to leraned things by yourself. Some of them know how hard it can be,so they went to America,or back to Taiwan School.I've been cried a lot in the camp,honestly. Yeah,I know,I like crying. But you can't tell. Some boys are crying too cause other was not on the camp. I cried,because I saw Joshua Youth 2's student are all together let me memorize how fun we are when we are kind of all together.

Joshua Youth 1's friends are all being pretty more mature,as I found this time. And I am glad,we grow up together. And wish...we will always with each other.

Okay,so as everyone know. I cried,and didn't feel good these days. Because I heard about Ryan and Robin maybe might not come again(they both was in Joshua Youth 1's students).Because their family don't have money to pay for them to Joshua Youth Camp. I was crying these all day. For about it. I found out how importent they are to me,by now. When the time they are leaving. I never mentioned it. And who know? when Ryan told me about it,I feel so helpless. I can't happy anymore,I even really speak words in all day. But I read Bible when it's Wednesday,on my daily reading bible time.

"And provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on them a crown of beauty,instead of ashes,the ol of gladness,instead of mourning,and a garment of praise,instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness a planting of the Lord. For the display of his splender."                         -Isaiah 61:5

Lord will healed all of us's heart. At least I believe though. Thanks all guys for your e-hugs on my comment! that's exactly what I need.

Well! My life has been back to reality,(again,yeah). And I wish I will be more great a everyday to trust in Lord,and when I am lonely,I know there's always Joshua Youth friends with me! Go Esther!

A random post,that's what I always did. Have a nice day everyone!

-Esther,the one.

Just finish my morning school works,wow,busy life I have! I've been sound missed forever on xanga,Sorry about it. I was trying to find time to using computer. But it's pretty hard. I have full of study plan need to done,and a lot of other things need to handle. So the point is,I didn't forget any of you!
Hmm,this week happaned many things,my life is full of joyful,and let me surprise is actually I never go any other place except home this time. I got pretty absurd feeling,when I am washing the dishes today,I was glad there is time,to think about "things". Nothing really special,but I feeled my life has been keep changing. Lord has help me so many, I feeled I am so beloved. I've change into a girl who have the faithful to the future,joyful heart even though there's nothing special happan in my life.No one can know my life is changing, you can't saw in outside of me. But me? I know I am changing,from Lord's power and help. My life has been joyful even though everyday I do is study and nothing else. And it all happaned when the day I was praying in the night,I saw a picture of Lord,smile on the cross,and said "I love you,Esther". My tears dropping down as soon as I can saw the picture. Lord changes me much. I've been found out there's something can let me more joyful than playing with my friends. And it is Lord,I have have the ataraxia feeling to do everything which is so aridity. Where the help come from? The almighty God of course. of course,and the something which he give me for my life for a gift! My imagination of beautiful romantic things. That help me even though I am not arround the nature,(Touching nature always cheer me up you know).

~God didn't promise days without pain,laugher without sorrow,sun with rain. But he did promise,strength for the day,comfort for the tear,and light for the way.~

You musn't tell you you won't love this quote. Oh the strength for the day! the comfort for the tears! and the light for the way. isn't it beautiful? God has prepered everything you need!
There's other quote which I've been learned this week,

~We spend too much time looking for the right person to love,or finding fault with those we already love,but,when instead we should be protecting the love we give,and the people who loved us already~

I never have a good relationship with my brother. Honestly,mostly the time when we began talking to each other,the things we will do is debate and then,began to fighting. He sometime annoying,and sometimes? I will be the one trying to find some wrong things or opinion from the words which speak from my brother. Even though we all know it's not good for us.But we never have anyone want to try to stand out and being the one which humor,and try to figure our relationship problem. And I am the biggest you know,so of course. I should try. But I never do the action though. By this week my daily bible study at the place which saying about you have need to be a good relationship with your brothers and family and parent and friends. So I prayed for God's help,and then,I don't know. My thought has been telling me to try to play the internet game with my brother! O.o (this is the funny part),so I tried. And lol the intesting things happan. I in love with the game. Oh my parent is the most one which was such a big shocked to hear I was playing internet game with my brother,they know I am always hate my brother to play the game and so angry when somebody are playing the game!(haha ture). Well the most amazing thing is,I even play more good than my brother! My brother are SO surprise about it,(that's very true,I am in shocked with it too. how comes I know more how to play good than my brother which always begging my parent to let him play the game!)  so anyway that's not the point I want to say (lol)..Yesterday night,Paul are knocking my door when I am saying my prayers to God. I said " wait a minute!" and then I open my door, Paul was saying sorry to me about his before action are so bad,and he said he find out I've been trying to build out our relationship again(thx God the game has helped a lot lol jk). So he said he should be sorry and he's so happy to hear that I've been tried. I am so happy! God has done his work! Why don't you try to say the prayer to God too then?
Oh I was reading a book called " The Mounts Tremble at Fraternity-Wilberforce and Calpham Saints". It's so awesome one,well it is in chinese. I've been reading this by 6 times and this is the seventh time. It always have so many things I can learned from everytime I read again and again. I hope I can sure many things to you about what I've been learned 'bout. But I don't think I can, the sentence it's all in Chinese. And if I try to traslate into English,as you know my English is not good. So it will be not have the beautiful words if I do so. It's about a group of christian which has different personality,different major and defferent profession. But they have the same destination,to build out the right,the corect laws,and let the slavery have the free again. The book is kind of like war history one,but this war don't have blood things inside,don't have the killing people inside,it have the right words,the scripture to God,and do the impossible things in polities. But they trust God,they do the things which they need to do. Their name will always noted by everyone even now,they died. But that's the only began. Speaking of polities,I was really need to being sigh for Taiwan now. Lord will have the plan,we just need to wait patiently,and of course.Wait until God use us.

I need more wisdom to do the Physical Science and Chemistry and Math. I've been work hard inthose which is difficuilt subject to me,and Lord has send me the wisdom. But sounds like I need more! And,oh the Joshua Youth Camp is almost coming,I wish everything will be fine and I am so excited about it too!(random thought)

A orange juice,with my deary Brown coler Journal. Hmm,I never think it's a good match. And..*looking arround* Oh and many textbook which was on my left side(umm),how comes the study always steal my imagination! Let's not care about the textbook things....I will believe. A fresh orange juice,with my fountain pen beside my deary perfect look journal,and the windom let me see the outside,the beautiful fresh green like campo. And oh there's far away of the maple coler tree line on there,and there's a sparkly pond in right of my beautiful white house, which has been let the fairy pixie spilled all the shinning dust on there,and look more neary,there's many different kind of flower arround the house.....*((eyes shinning))*. To tell you the truth,I should stop here,or,I will be so sad to wake up into the reality again. Sometimes you will found out Reality world and Dreamland has been so many different,and you can be wake up from...looking your windom,hmm,car's arround there. or,want to listen the bird singing,oh well,there's IS car only which is singing,or.........
"Esther!"
A-ha,or Mom is calling me for helping her to cook the lunch. I should go guys,then. lol Hope you all have the fun time and a beautiful life as always. Love you all and thx SO much for the comment!

-Esther

*Ta Ta Ta*

Hey Everyone! I am so sorry I was not post in one week, that's pretty normal though seen I was more busy than before, it's not because I don't know what should I say about for posting,I got so many to say! I want to tell you my normal days which turn into such a surprise and perfect one,I want to tell you all 'bout the book I was reading and share the feeling and opinion with you,and I got tagged many times already,and I was ready to doing some test on the internet too,also,those funny conversation with my friend and family. Too many don't you think? well,speaking of them,I was sure I need more time on xanga then. replying letter has already been hard to me. But anyway,let's don't wasting our time now! I will speak from my last weekend,it's SO fun,Saturday I was going Taipei,the main city in Taiwan. I visit the shopping place called "Breeze",well I was totally in love with city now,fashion cloth,perfect and beautiful makeup,just,beautiful. I look arround and arround,saw everything,I was open my arms and circle in the same piece of middle place in "Breeze" and saw everything,it's like dreaming. Why there's so many beautiful wonderful things in here? well,but there's not always wonderful, Dad found me,and tell me something,by "descreetly"," Esther,don't go here often,when you get here,you will be just like money killer,and well for being careful,I even don't want to take Mom into that place" (My dad is awefully funny,when I was young,I always tell my parents,well,I will never never never,totally impossible,to do those yucky makeup and strange cloths. So that's why my dad will told me about this cuz I don't like those things,before.) "*try to not laugh*well dad You sounds like I was still 10 years old,I love those beautiful things,and I guess i will went thos eplace often,but money killer? lol maybe.not." " *daddy use the helpless smiles eyes on me*" "c'mon Dad! lol" "*sigh* "lol dad it's really nothing! I am just kidding" " you are?" "yeah,cuz I will be the money killer and it's not possible for not!" "*speechless*" Lol,well,I totally know what's grow up exactly mean. I have so much fun with my mom,I don't need those makeup things yet,but when I don't need it. Why it aways come up to me?! well we join a show which is special one in the building,they got a kind of like surprise party for the customer,and we join and sign out name. The 1st place gift cost 20000 NT dollers! Mom wisper" Esther,it might can be you who get that!" (<<Mom's one already get the 5st gift,they start with 10st gift so..) "Mom! It's impossible,I don't need those things,and those things" " you will someday" "anyway I don't belive it"...."Miss Lu Hsuan(my chinese name),let's see who's the one that lucky to get our company 1st place gift!which cost 20000 NT dollers!" " *mom totally almost scream* It's you! Esther! It's you! I told you!" I was shocked but I have to go there soon,everyone's clapping. Oh well, amazing huh. there's something more amazing tho,Mom took it,"hey mom I thought it was mine?!" "well as you say you don't need it,so it will be mine then!" "Did I say that?" "anyway,you are just a child,don't need those things" " I can use those beautiful coler to painting!" "Esther anora Lu,you totally crazy,it's for makeup! not painting!" so,my mom took it. But it's still surprise,anyway,the main points,I don't get it what was inside things of mom's brain.
When we are going home to my grandparent's house which it's in Taipei(that's why we visit Taipei tho),Daddy can't find the car, my mom was feel helpless for help to find it,it just on the building but my dad forget where it is! Mom told me something I will always remember, " Esther,You know WHY Moses have to lead the people for 40 years and get to the destination?!"" Ehhh...no?" " well cuz there's NO women beside there,and man don't dare to ask other's in the building and don't even ask his wife!" "*laugh*" well is that true...? Man's totally can't live without women if there's going some place even was in the building? who knows!
SO,that was totally fun. and on Sunday,our church have the sports festival! It's the first time I went there,well it was totally fun. I was just changing church for one years,so my first time. But oh it's a blessed day,it's so fun to play with the church. That's my weekend. I was trying to make them short cuz I always get a long post evah,never end,but even tho I am in shortly...sounds like still long.
Joshua Youth's almost coming,this time I am nervous,I don't know if I can do a good job,I was going for a followship at the first part time of Joshua youth,which lead the praise time,and Joshua Youth I and Joshua Youth II haven't met yet,this is the first time. I was nervous,and I need God wisdom to help me know how to prepere,I think Mrs. Fan plan this first part leading is me because she know I am easy to make friends. Well I will do my best,and I will playing the Piano and Cello on the camp too. It's hard,but God let me in. I will obey and do my best. and whatever,I am still so exciting for the camp. As what I should
On Tuesday,I was really want to get out of study that day, I feel terrible,and ask God to help me. He answered,I use computer and talk to my friend Daniel,after all, when I am going to close my laptop,Mom has just told me that Mrs.Chen want to take me to the concert,the music concert tonight. With Peter and Michael,it was a bless. It's beautiful one, even though I can't really get attention to listen them,I have much in my mind,and other reasons,Michael keep steak my attention,from using tickling. lol he's totally cute though,it make me laugh. And I was happy and thanks God for it.
My "New began" has been pretty many troubles,but as always,I will keep doing hard works,I find out sometimes adventure isn't always fun. especially for your future one,God make my life being always adventure,and me? I will do my best and looking forward what has God planned to me,whatever he plan. I will obey on. that's the point.
Turn my eyes,soul upon to the Lord,he will prepered the best. Oh by the way,yeah I was back for doing layout myself,I still only like my style tho.
Oh believe it or not,my prayers has been come true!!! it is COLD here,you can't know how happy I am! It's cold here enough to let me change into my favorite shirts. Ha-ha,I was going to post it,but I'd better delete the thoughts,cuz I will leave some size for Joshua youth camp's pic. that's proberly why. and It's raining too! I love dance in the raining day,it feel cool. But I was found out something,it's totally different if you take your dog with you for walk. He will be dirty,and he's poopoo will be wet hard to catch it = =:"/ I don't it's yuck,but totally true thoug. Well anyway,*cough* weather's changing!

I should better turn off,it's time for lunch! and today's friday,yahoooo,saying birthday to Tegomoomoo Fan,which now are friday,there's tons people here birthday was on Nov,I will talk more later then! thanks for the comment you guys,38 comments! So many,I feel so blessed,hope we always keep in touch guys! love shouts out gives you all,I want to hug you. but sounds I can't now..maybe I can give you all a e-hug then.!

-Es,the one!